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  * * * *

  While we were in Damascus, I borrowed a small awl and worked a hole into the matrix of the stone that held the diamond Charlie had given me. I threaded a strip of rawhide through it, and wore it around my neck, next to my body. I found it uncomfortable, most likely because it was such an unwieldly piece of rock. Still, I determined to wear it until I could find a safe place for it.

  I worried that Tommy would be bored, but he must have found things to do in the city, because he was gone most of the day, returning only when it was time to dine with me.

  Afterward, we’d chat for a while with the sheik and his family before going to bed. Tommy would strip down to his drawers, climb into his bed, and murmur, “‘Night, Roddy.”

  “Goodnight, Tommy.”

  And I began to think I’d been too hasty in separating our beds.

  Finally, Tommy came to me. “Ready to leave, Roddy?”

  “Yes.” I packed our things and went to say farewell to the sheik. Then I carried our packs to where the horses and Rocinante, the donkey, were tethered.

  “Oh, no,” Tommy said. “Rocinante is staying behind. The sheik can give him to his worst enemy or make a stew of him for all I care, but I refuse to travel to England with that beast.”

  “But why not?”

  “At every chance he gets, he tries to dine on a portion of my anatomy of which I am very fond.”

  Truth be told, I was growing fond of it myself, I realised.

  Tommy didn’t notice my dismay. “That animal is more trouble than he’s worth. And besides, if you want one that badly, there are plenty of donkeys in England, much better looking and sweeter tempered. I’ll buy you one. Or two. Or an entire bloody herd.” He folded his arms across his chest and tapped his booted toe on the cobblestoned courtyard. “But that beast is not coming with us.”

  * * * *

  We travelled west to Beirut, and when we boarded The Ice Queen, the steamship that would take us to England, Rocinante was with us.

  Chapter 14

  The voyage across the Mediterranean was a pleasant one, mostly because at every opportunity he could find or make, Tommy touched me. Nothing overt, of course. A hand on my shoulder. A clap on my arm. That progressed to straightening my tie, brushing a crease out of my sleeve, adjusting my collar. I grew used to having him close to me and regretted when we parted for the evening to go to our separate cabins. And when I grew to miss him because he wasn’t close to me, I found him and made sure I was close to him.

  Once the large vessel reached the Atlantic, however, we both discovered that I was not a good sailor, something I should have remembered from the time Brother and I sailed to Africa—I was startled to realise I’d lived in the Dark Continent for more than twice longer than I’d lived in England. However that might be, the ocean voyage did not agree with me, and I lost over a stone, which I could ill afford. Tommy worried over me like a mother hen with one chick, finally insisting on sleeping in my cabin.

  He charmed a folding camp bed out of the bursar so he could keep an eye on me, and I was stunned by the flare of jealousy that rippled through me. I convinced myself it was only because the bursar had narrow, beady eyes and was after the handsome, dashing former captain solely for personal gain, and I resolved to tear his beating heart out of his chest if he went near my Tommy.

  A logical explanation was needed to determine how Tommy came to belong to me, but eventually I arrived at the simple fact he was my friend, so that made him mine.

  Only, by that time I was so miserably unwell I couldn’t leave my cabin to ensure that no one flirted with him or tried to lure him away from me. I couldn’t even go below decks, where my animals were in stalls in the hold to care for them. Tommy did that, even looking after the donkey.

  I tried to lean up when Tommy came into my cabin, but the ship rocked, my stomach heaved, and I clapped a hand over my mouth.

  “I’ve got you, rosebud.” He caught up the chamber pot and got it under my mouth in the nick of time, although I really didn’t have much to vomit up.

  My eyes watered and my nose ran, and the only time I’d felt worse was back at the camp in the Valley of the Kings.

  “Sorry.” I swallowed repeatedly. The taste of bile in my mouth was awful, and I was afraid my stomach would revolt again.

  “Nothing to be sorry about.” Tommy took away the pot and wiped my face with a handkerchief. “I’ve fed and watered the horses and groomed them.”

  “And Rocinante?”

  Tommy smiled wryly. “Him, too.”

  “Thank you. You’re a prince among men.”

  He started to say something, but then the ship bucked, and I groaned, clapped a hand over my mouth again, and reached for the chamber pot.

  * * * *

  One particularly bad night, when we had just entered the Bay of Biscay, the seas were so restless Tommy had to crawl onto the bunk with me to keep me from falling onto the deck.

  After that, he spent each night for the remainder of the voyage in my bunk. I would often awaken to find he’d wrapped an arm around my waist. He’d hold me firmly against his lower body, and his arousal would be pressed against my buttocks. I was too ill to move, or so I assured myself, but I never said anything. I was afraid he would return to sleeping on the camp bed.

  * * * *

  Eventually the voyage from hell came to an end, and The Ice Queen docked in Southampton.

  “I thought we might stop at Abbott’s,” Tommy said as we waited for the horses and Rocinante to be unloaded. “It’s a local hotel where I usually stay,” he informed me when he saw my raised eyebrow. “It…uh…always takes me a few days to regain my land legs. Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.” I was actually grateful. I felt a trifle better, but I was still weak as a kitten, and if Tommy hadn’t been there to lean against, I most likely would have wound up on my arse.

  “Wizard. I’ll see about having the animals taken there. Once you’re—I mean I’m more rested, we can pay a visit to my brother’s London town house.”

  “Don’t try to shield my feelings. I know I’m more depleted than you, and I appreciate the care you’re taking of me.”

  “Truly? I was afraid you might take umbrage. Well…in that case, after we’ve left Southampton, we’ll travel to London, spend a few more days there, and then we’ll go on to Greenbriers.”

  I knew Greenbriers was the Fortescue-Smythe estate in Kent. “Why not go directly there?”

  Tommy gave me a bland smile. “I’d like to have you to myself for a while.”

  “You…?”

  He chuckled, pinched my chin this time, then summoned a cab to take us to the hotel.

  * * * *

  We wound up staying at Abbott’s for almost a week. Tommy seemed to have regained his land legs quite quickly, but it took me a few days longer.

  Finally we were able to leave for the London town house.

  Although his older brother, who had inherited the title and the properties, was not in residence just then, the house was fully staffed, and the servants greeted Tommy as if he were the prodigal son. The cook fussed over him and laid out a feast that tempted even my still-flagging appetite.

  Mrs. Johnson, the housekeeper, led me to a spacious room and handed me a spare nightshirt and dressing gown of Tommy’s. “Now, just you get changed, Mr Sayer. Then you can give me your things, and I’ll see they’re washed and mended by morning.”

  “Thank you. That’s very kind of you.”

  She blushed. “Shall I bring you a spot of tea and some biscuits? They’re Captain Thomas’s favourites. He used to tease Cook for them as a boy.”

  I couldn’t say no, even though I was certain I wouldn’t be able to take more than a bite or two.

  She waited patiently outside the door while I changed, and then I handed her the clothes I’d brought with me from Egypt.

  “I’ll be back in a trice, sir.”

  “Thank you,” I said again.

  She beamed at me and left,
and I closed the door.

  I went to the bed and sat down, bouncing a bit to test the mattress, entranced by the idea of a young Tommy begging for treats and being indulged by his family. I wished my family had been that indulgent. My parents, from what I could recall of them, preferred to leave me to the care of my nanny while they served their church. As for Brother…I sighed. He’d taken me with him when he left England to do God’s work among the heathen of East Africa solely because he felt it wouldn’t reflect well on him as a Christian if he left me behind. He often chided me for what he called my stupidity and gave up on me becoming more than a supernumerary in his congregation.

  A scratching at my door had me hastily drying my eyes. “Come,” I called.

  “May I, really?” Tommy strolled in, carrying a tray with the tea things and two cups, indicating he intended to join me.

  “Tommy?”

  “You told me I could come. I should really enjoy it if you did that to me.” He walked to the small side table by the window and laid the cups and saucers out, as innocent as could be. “I thought I’d spare Mrs Johnson the trip upstairs.” He ran his gaze over me. “I must say that dressing gown never looked so good on me.”

  I stared at him open-mouthed, unable to think of what to say.

  He continued as if he hadn’t paid me such a generous compliment. “Would you care to pour, Roddy, or shall I?”

  I swallowed hard, feeling the heat in my cheeks. “I’ll pour, if you don’t mind.” I sat down across from him.

  A quick glance showed me he was watching me blandly. I forced myself to look away and concentrate on what I was doing. I picked up the teapot and poured, but couldn’t resist peeking into his eye while I regretted his loss of the other one.

  “Roddy…” He hurried to move his cup and caught the stream of tea just in time.

  “Oh!” I moaned. I’d been so fascinated by that eye and that patch, I’d have missed the cup if it hadn’t been for Tommy’s quick reaction. “What a bloody fool.”

  Tommy stretched an arm across the table. “It’s all right, no harm done. You’re still quite worn.” He cupped my chin and half rose out of his chair. “It’s…” He leaned closer, and I closed my eyes, positive he was going to kiss me.

  Instead, he picked up my left hand, and I opened my eyes. “You still wear this, I see.” He rubbed his thumb over my wedding ring.

  “Of course,” I responded. “Why would I stop wearing it?” Death may have parted Charlie and me, but that didn’t make me any less married to him.

  “Why, indeed?” Was that disappointment in his voice? “I think it might be best if I retire for the evening. Why don’t you finish your tea? Sleep as late as you like. We shan’t be leaving for a few more days. I…er…have some errands to run in the morning, but I thought in the afternoon we could exercise the horses, if you like.”

  “I would like that.” It had been weeks since I’d last ridden Hubini.

  “And might you feel up to an evening out?”

  “I think so, yes.”

  “Wonderful. Have you ever been to the cinema?”

  “The what?”

  “The cinema. Moving pictures are shown there.”

  “Oh, yes.” I’d heard of them, read about them, but there hadn’t been any in the little towns near our farm, and even if there had been, Charlie and I hadn’t had the time or the inkling…or the wherewithal to visit one.

  “Shall we see one? The Monkey’s Paw is playing at the Ealing. I’ve heard good things about it.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Excellent.” He rose. “I’m off to bed. Mrs Johnson will bring your breakfast up to you.” He touched my shoulder, then turned and walked out the door.

  In spite of myself, I yawned. The hour was growing late. I visited the toilet, then returned to my room, hung up my borrowed dressing gown—stroking it as I recalled Tommy’s kind words—and then climbed into bed.

  I realised this would be the first time since we’d arrived on British soil that I would be sleeping apart from my friend. Even at the hotel in Southampton, we’d shared a room, and although it had separate beds, Tommy had still wound up beside me.

  I brought the spare pillow into my arms and closed my eyes.

  * * * *

  Hours later, I was still unable to sleep. Tommy had got me so used to having his warm body against mine in the night that now I couldn’t sleep when he wasn’t there. I sighed and resigned myself to a sleepless night.

  * * * *

  Eventually, I did fall into a restless sleep, and sometime in the early hours before dawn, I began to dream. At first I feared it was going to be a repeat of the dreams that had plagued me in the desert, especially when the jackal-headed god appeared—the odd thing was, while I was in dream-state, I remembered every detail of the dreams, only to have them fade when I awoke…

  Chapter 15

  From his vast height, Anubis tilted his head to observe me, then stepped aside to reveal the figure behind him.

  “Charlie!”

  My love strode toward me, looking healthy and fit, even better than he had when we’d sailed The Nile Goddess down the Ruzizi years before. He was so handsome I wanted to throw myself into his arms.

  Instead, I burst into tears.

  “Here now, sweetheart. What’s this?”

  “You left me.”

  “I didn’t have much say in the matter.”

  “No…but you left me.” I dried my cheeks on the sleeve of my nightshirt.

  “It was my time, little Rev. You have to let me go.”

  “I’m not touching you.”

  “Don’t make me paddle your backside.”

  “Oh, yes, please!” I reached down for the hem of my nightshirt, about to pull it up over my rump.

  “You young scamp.” He grinned, but he didn’t take a step closer.

  “Is this really goodbye?”

  “I’m afraid it is.”

  “I’ll…I’ll wait for you, love.”

  “No, you can’t. The future stretches out before you, infinite and fascinating, and you’ll have so much more than I could ever give you.”

  “But—”

  “Listen to me. I’m so much older than you.”

  “Age doesn’t matter.”

  “I was never meant to have you for long.”

  “Whose brilliant idea was that? If I’d known—”

  “Would you have walked away from the time we did have together?”

  I didn’t even have to give that any thought. “No!”

  “Neither would I.”

  “But—”

  “Please don’t make this any harder than it is.”

  I had no choice but to surrender. “Losing you hurt so badly. It still hurts.”

  “I know. It killed me knowing how little time we had left together.”

  “And yet you pushed me away.”

  “I shouldn’t have. Next time…” He sighed and shook his head. “I’ll do better, won’t make so many stupid mistakes.”

  “Will we have a next time, Charlie?”

  “That’s for the gods to say. For now…you’ve got someone in your life who’ll love you and care for you as I can’t. If you’ll let him. Promise me you won’t close yourself off from the possibility of loving him.”

  “Loving who?”

  Charlie shook his head and wouldn’t answer beyond saying, “He’ll give you everything you could want.” His smile was rueful. “Everything I couldn’t.”

  “All right, I promise. But I won’t take off the ring you put on my finger,” I added hotly.

  “When the time is right, you will.”

  The god stepped forward and rested his hand on Charlie’s shoulder.

  “You have to go now, Roddy.”

  “Can I…can I have one last kiss?”

  Charlie looked up at the god, and Anubis nodded. I bounded forward and this time I did throw myself into Charlie’s arms. I could barely feel him, and the kiss was as ephemeral. I tried to
grip him tighter, but he loosened my arms and stepped back. “Our time together is over, sweetheart.”

  Suddenly panic-stricken, I began to weep again. “I won’t forget you, will I?”

  “Not you, little Rev. Not you.” He seemed to grow fainter and fainter, until finally I was alone in a vast plain of nothingness…

  Chapter 16

  I bolted upright in bed. The sun was shining through the curtains, and the clock on the mantel showed it lacked a quarter hour until noon. I knew I’d had a strange dream, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember a thing about it.

  A soft knock sounded at the door.

  “Yes?”

  Mrs Johnson entered, carrying a tray laden with a fragrant breakfast. “I hope I’m not disturbing you, sir. Nelly let me know she’d heard you was awake, so I thought I’d bring your breakfast.”

  A maid followed her, the girl’s arms filled with my clothes, all neatly folded. She placed them on the chair Tommy had sat in the night before, then gathered up last evening’s tea things, bobbed a curtsy, and left.

  I leaned forward and scrubbed my hair. “I apologise for disrupting the household.”

  “It’s quite all right, sir.” She set the tray on the side table. “A letter came for you in this morning’s post.”

  “A letter? For me?”

  “From South Africa. Amazing what the mail ships can do these days.”

  I took the envelope she held out, worked the flap free, removed the thin sheet of paper, and began reading it. “Oh, my.”

  “I trust everything is all right?”

  “It’s…” I raised my eyes to her, feeling as if my smile was going to split my face. “It’s from the man who manages my farm. Everything is fine.” More than fine. He’d found the neighbour who’d been stealing our cattle in an attempt to drive us out. As it turned out, it was the self-same man who’d been so willing to look after the farm for us when we left for the Valley of the Kings. “The manager says he’s looking into the why of it and will send the information when he has it.”

  “I’m very glad to hear that, sir,” Mrs Johnson said, too good a servant to express any further interest. “Oh, and the washerwoman found this in a pocket, sir.” She held out a rope of black pearls.